E.

You know the friend, the one who alwayyyyyys is in some kind of relationship. She could break up with her boyfriend of two years, and a month later she is in a relationship that will last another two years, or she may end up stuck in that relationship not seeing it served its’ purpose, get married, and end up divorced by 27 (which is perfectly alright, for her.)

I am not that girl. I cannot be in a relationship just to BE in a relationship. I need something deeper than that, almost on a spiritual/soulmate level? I think that is why I am so intense in my relationships, and half the time it scares other people away.

Now, don’t get me wrong, over the past two years I’ve dealt with some serious insecurity issues which is easier to blame on the guys who have done me wrong, but in the end it’s my issue to deal with, and not theirs. But I think the time has passed now where I’ve looked those issues in the face, and that’s a start right? 

The point of this post is. I WISH I COULD BE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. It would be so simple! I wouldn’t care, I’d just move on.

This post is pretty much pointless to anyone but me, but I don’t care.

The end.

I am torn. I always date athletes because they bring out that competition & love for nature in me (heh, heh, heh) , but then I have that secret attraction to musicians. Both bring healing into my life. I-like-ah-the-you-sing-me-a-song-and-I-pretend-to-hate-it-but-it-really-turns me-on-and-I-likah-the-you-and-me-toss-the-football-I-suck-you tackle-we get-naked-on-the-field-spotlight-still-on (hey, I’m a fucking LEO. I need a little light, duh)

Whatever, either way they’re both hot. If you play guitar and like to hike let’s bone and shamoan, cuz I’m officially single. YEAH I SAID IT! Just kidding. 

If you play the drums and you have a bowl cut.. baby, baby, baby OHHHH. my sister is single. Break her heart, and I’ll break Taylor Swift’s guitar. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Bieber.

ANYWAYS, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. I hope you all get laid or fall in love like that one time, that mute mermaid who had her hubby serenaded by a crab, whom unfortunately ended up being tipped into the swamps by an EEL (worst fear), sent by a giant 8th grade teacher who resembled an Octopus… Moral of the story, keep all crabs and swamp creatures far away from your romantical canoe. No one likes a wet Ginger. and better yet, who the fuck wants to date someone who smells like Tuna? All of my 7 year old dreams were just crushed with a glass of wine and an over analyzation of The Little Mermaid

xoxo Em

if you haven’t gotten your birth chart read, I suggest you do. I’ve been studying astrology for about 3 months now, and it’s crazy.

and by the way, all that shit about the new sign, you’re actually the sign before your own is a negative. the signs (in western astrology) are only described by the constellations. astronomers and astrologers are two different things. did you also know that the sign you’re born into is what you accomplished in your past life. so now that you have earned these qualities, it’s your time to use them in this lifetime’s destiny.

what’s even crazier is how you can compare a person’s birth chart to your own. so I looked up mine and a friend I had been close to, but it fell apart, even though it sometimes it still upsets me. I don’t depend on astrology for everything, but it can really benefit how you look at a relationship/friendship, or certain opportunities in your life… it can actually help you to be more understanding about a person and your relationship with them. I’m not talking your regular ole’ horoscope on facebook, I’m talking about timing, location, and where the stars and planets were aligned when you were born in this life. your birth is actually your signature on your contract with the universe, which is why you were born at a certain time and location, because the cosmos were perfect for what you had promised to the universe.

anyways, in reading our compatibility, a lot things made sense. and there were a lot of contradictory aspects, such as we had the ability to feel “one” at times, but we both hold such firm beliefs and different positions in this world that it makes it hard to ever REALLY emotionally feel comfortable with one another. then I read this:

Mars Opposition Neptune  

Mars opposition Neptune in the composite chart indicates the need for great clarity and total honesty between the two of you. In this relationship the actions and words that with others pass for little white lies have effects out of all proportion to the intentions behind them. For at its worst, this aspect is a symbol of mutual weakening.

At its most extreme, this aspect indicates a relationship in which one of you deceives and works surreptitiously against the best interests of your partner, who goes on believing that everything is all right. 

It is exactly why our friendship ended, and it makes me sad. Because I think had we stayed honest and true with one another, and in our feelings, even if the feelings weren’t what the other one wanted to hear.. it would have added growth, and we could have battled it and stayed at the least, civil.

I also read that we are two people who both are very emotional, and we share the same battle in a different way. Her battle is that she is constantly unable to trust others, and I am constantly unable to trust myself. Irony, huh? Two volcanoes, one erupts and the other is bound to react, but in the end it merges into one unfixable melting explosion that neither seems to remember why it started. Or the reasons were minimal, and outside sources fueled the fire.

Either way, relationships, friendships… frenemies.. all of these make the world go ‘round. Next time you feel like saying something negative about somebody, even if they have done you wrong, take a step back and try to understand where they’re coming from. We don’t all have to agree, and we don’t all have to like each other, but we can respect each other. Respect each other in the fact that all of us are going through different things, and all of us hold that certain urge to fulfill our own destiny, that was assigned by the same Universal Love.

This life, this destiny for me is all about learning how to build my own character and self by myself, without the words or influence of others. 

Something I am starting to affirm to myself is “I choose my thoughts.” “I am.” 

I can be extremely sensitive and sometimes people’s words either true or untrue really sting, especially when it comes from someone you once really cared about. 

So, starting in January I begun to work on letting go of what people say about me, and to let it fall off my back. 

Also, I’ve gotten really into astrology, and had my birth chart done (you can get yours for free on astro.com)

It’s really kind of funny because it explains so much about my personality. Such as I am an emotional thinker, when I get upset I think with my emotions, instead of taking some time to calm down and detach from the emotions and think like a rational person.

That’s probably why you have seen some explosive tweets from me that have then been deleted. I did it in an outburst of emotion, then I looked back rationally and said to myself, “Dur, Emilee.” Hahaha.

This is just a little insight into who I am, and why I am the way I am. 

I’d also recommend purchasing these two books once you get your birth chart and get some insight into what it all means..

Cosmic Karma by Marguerite Manning and Astrology For the Soul by Jan Spiller.

these books will help even further about why you’re here, what you’re here to accomplish, etc.

And did you know your astrological sign and the characteristics within it are actually what you accomplished in your past life and now you can use these qualities to enhance your life and destiny now.

Regardless if you believe in astrology or not, it’s fun to read about.

This was just kind of a ramble, but I am bored. :) xoxox

BEFORE I GO ON.. I didn’t bother watching the awards, I just read about it on internet news:

(And P.S, I still don’t understand why Perez thinks he knows anything about hair or fashion. Megan Fox looked amazing.. and so did Christina Aguilera. Sorry not everyone is like Lady GaGa and can wear a dildo on the middle of their forehead and scream “couture”)

Oh good fucking Cheesecake,

Perez Hilton calling out Ricky Gervais in hosting the Golden Globes. They knew what they were getting when they hired him - controversy. Dear “Queen of the Media,” just because you’ve started to clean your stripes doesn’t mean they’re all gone. Not everyone likes a FAKE KISS ASS. I’ve seen a few, new, genuine posts on your site, but it’s still easy to read through your bullshit.  (You host Bad Girls Club for Godsakes)

Anyways,

KUDOS Ricky G. because every “celebrity” nowadays does need a good ole slap of humor in their lovely airbrushed face in order to bring them back to where they were before their fame.

XOXO

First and foremost, let me just say I was thoroughly pissed after buying a bunch of books and opening my Kindle to find it was randomly broken? The screen is shot to hell and I have not a clue why. I never touch the thing unless I’m using it to read and always leave it in the same spot to  charge. And now the warranty is up. Mother of Christmas.  I was over it.. until I realized I could download the WHISPER APP & get them all on my MAC. I am a Tech Hero to Myself. ::Pat on back:: 

So, my choices out of my Kindle reads:

- Sookie Stackhouse novels.. shot through them all but I just want to point out as someone who has read the entire series.. while some people are casted excellently, Eggs was a football player.. Tara is a fashionista with a short bob cut who comes off more as a Posh Spice than the amazing character in the series, AND THE FAERIES.. AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE SHORT/BORING/LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. So disappointed in who they casted as Claudine… WHO SHALL THEY CAST AS CLAUDE? THE TYPICAL SHORT ANNOYING GAY? THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TWINS HERE!

Mary Ann. Jason, Alcide, Bill, SOO-KAY, and Eric are perf though. That actor who plays Alcide makes me go woah-na-na-na what’s your name?!! And TB is definitely not going anywhere for awhile if they continue to use the books. So much more in store for you guyyys!

- All Souls: A Family Story, Brutal, and Dennis Lehane (Typical Irish-Boston books, and I won’t be in the mood until March. “Rat Bastards” was excellent though, and as far as Dennis Lehane goes.. I like Ben Affleck’s portrayal better than the novel).

- Water For Elephants.. nothing about circus rings MY bell, but I figured since it’s supposed to be an amazing movie, the book must be better.. although I’ll be forever condemned to thinking of Robert P. and Reese W. as those characters. It’s okay though, because I love Reese (Cruel Intentions, hi love you) & Rob in Remember Me (one of my fav. movies)

- Assholes Finish First Tucker Max.. I’ll read this on a quick plane ride when I want to laugh because I’m stuck in between the two heftiest mother effers on the plane.

- Love, Lust, and Faking It Jenny McCarthy.. Read the first two chapters and lost it laughing.. Her and Chelsea may have to duke it out, but I’m in the mood for something deeper right now

- The Girl With a Tattoo Dragon.. I’ll jump on the bandwagon later on this year, although I hear it’s great

- Peony in Love.. Just read Shanghai Girls and it was great, so I’m taking a break on the AZNS.

- The Shadow Effect Deepak Chopra.. Once again, just re-read The Shack, taking a spiritual hiatus. 

- My Booky Wook Russell Brand.. like Jenny McCarthy, read two chapters.. Hilarious, and I think he is BRILLIANT, but this is for an airplane ride or when I want to laugh because I’m stuck with seriously boring people at the beach.

So, I am left with “THE HELP” by Kathryn Stockett. The writing is brilliant, the characters are intricate.. and I’m only on chapter four. I heard this was being turned into a movie and although I love Emma Stone, she kind of plays the same type of character in each movie, so it’ll be nice to see her break out of that type cast.. Can’t wait to see how the book pans out, and I can already tell you that it’s probably better than the movie.

(Sidenote, just figured out my girl crush Anna Camp from True Blood plays Jolene)

Books I’d advise you to read: Memoirs of a Geisha, The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns, Tuesdays With Morrie, Summer Sisters (quick summer read), Something Borrowed (also turning into a movie, quick summer read), if you’re a True Blood fan.. the whole series.. You will shat yourself, any book by Chelsea Handler is great for a beach day/vacation/laugh before bed, Eat, Pray, Love even though the woman is an over indulgent bitch who had to travel her selfish butt half way across the world to figure out that God is in her heart the whole time.. Idiot, but really well written.. ;) Shanghai Girls, Rat Bastards… and lastly, The Alchemist, Shutter Island, The Shack and … the tear jerker… The Last Song. I have stayed up sometimes because I am so deep into a book I can’t put it down.. but The Last Song had me weeping for the last five chapters at 6am. Ridiculous. Miley Cyrus and whoever filmed the movie.. does that book no justice. I am not a romance novel type of gal, and that shit blew me out of the water. Nicholas Sparks, who are you? Where do you come from, you romantic swan???

Okay … book review over, go read The Help.. or better yet, turn off the Jersey Shore..Turn off the challenge.. and go read a fucking book!!!!! AND NOT SNOOKI’s OR THE SITUATION’S! That is not literature.. that is a coloring book in which a toddler could stay in the lines.

- E

If I was on the Bachelor I would bring a dozen boxes of tissues to wipe the tears of each girl on her way out and on my way to victory. DING DING. CHICKEN WING, speaking of chicken wings..

If I was “The Bachelorette” I’d hand out chicken wings to the guys who get to stay & peg the losers in the head with a football on their way out. Kind of like dodgeball, except they don’t know we’re playing!

Then, when it comes time to the end for me to decide on my well endowed-hunky-stallion-of yummy-goodness-ride away on a magical unicorn-prince charming lover of all loves I will hand him a 10 plate and ask if he will be my winner, winner chicken dinner. And then he’ll dip his wing in my ranch and we’ll sky fly high on a magic carpet ride into the sunset and wave at Lauren Conrad on our way out.

I want to take some time to talk about Chris Brown. 

Now, when it first came out that he had beaten Rihanna, I remember being in Cancun and looking at Jonna like, ‘nu-uh, Chris Brown would never!!!” But he did.

I thought what he did was wrong, awful, and deserved punishment. I wanted to see how it would play out for him because he could either take responsibility, change, and move forward, or he could blow it off & continue the cycle of abuse.

I think what people tend to forget is that from age seven to thirteen he witnessed his stepfather beat his mother. He told his mom at age eleven that he would kill his stepfather by age fifteen, if that doesn’t scream “anger” or “red flag” I don’t know what does.

Now, this does not EXCUSE what he did, but it certainly gives us insight as to why he might react in relationships the way he does. It is common for abuse victims to continue the cycle of abuse. It is the only way they know how to have ‘control’ in a relationship. Fear = control.

Two years later, Rihanna has openly said she has moved on, and wishes Chris the best. Chris Brown has put timely effort into everything the court asked him to do. It seems that he knows what he did is wrong, and he is doing what he can to “undo” the “done.” He is attempting to move forward and learn from his mistakes. If you look at young Hollywood, or even any kid in society, a lot of people don’t want to take responsibility for themselves. There are way too many self-entitled people in this world right now, even I have been guilty of it.

Being aware of ‘yourself’ is one of the best gifts you can give to, well, yourself!

Forgiveness is one of the best gifts one can give in this world. For Rihanna to be able to forgive him shows what kind of person she is. She’s an intelligent young woman who realizes that in forgiveness, she will only find STRENGTH.

So, I think that it’s time the world forgives Chris Brown. There are so many people in the public eye who have done awful, horrible things, yet they have been forgiven. He is in his early twenties, he was nineteen when it happened, let’s keep that in mind.

(Source: mtv.com)